


pain and ghost kissing

by louisismysun



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Gen, Multi, and it's not really shippy, but this is the gangsey so everyone loves everyone, i miss noah, pynch and sarchengsey are explicitly mentioned, this fic is mostly about noah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 19:57:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8681416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisismysun/pseuds/louisismysun
Summary: “Hey, so does this mean I’m the only one who doesn’t get a kiss?”Ronan pitches his voice low, “Well, if you really want a kiss…”“Uhh, I think he was asking for a kiss from me, actually.”They sit there, frozen in place, staring in front of Noah’s bedroom door where Noah had suddenly materialized. And it is him. Noah Czerny, drowsy eyed with messy hair but without the gray smudge that indicated his head wound. Noah smiles shyly at Henry, “Do you want me to kiss you know?”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [Pain And Ghost Kissing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12114096) by [ammacrellin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ammacrellin/pseuds/ammacrellin)



> hi! this is my first trc fic and first fic in a long time because engineering is terrible. this fic started with a conversation between me and my friend charlotte about how noah was everyone in the gangsey's first kiss which of course prompts the question, "but how about henry?"  
> anyway, i have no idea but it turned to this.

            Adam Parrish carefully parks his monstrous miracle of a car before stepping out and looking at the warm glow coming out from Monmouth. He slips his phone out of his pocket and checks his messages.

 **Dream Boy:** don’t forget about tonight, parrish

 **Gansey:** ronan told me u were driving straight from college. be careful, yeah?

            He had just started typing up a reply when a pair of hands covers his eyes. Adam could feel his lips curving up into a smirk as he raises his hands to drag Ronan closer by the neck. He could feel Ronan’s breath wash across the shell of his ear when he whispered, “Guess who?”

            “God, Cheng, I didn’t know you missed me this much.”

            Ronan lifts his hand with a derisive snort, “As if Cheng would miss you.”

            Adam didn’t bother replying to that, turning around with a laugh and tugging Ronan closer by the hips. They haven’t seen each other in two weeks—video calls do not count—as Ronan hardly left The Barns, busy taking care of Opal and his cows, while he studied away in college. Tonight though, he had left Opal at Declan’s with Matthew and came back to Henrietta.

            Every time he looks at Ronan he’s a little amazed at how far they’ve all come. Ronan hasn’t lost any of his fight but he’s softer now, he smiles more, he has started to live like the world has something to offer him again. And he thinks he has changed too, less worn, less ragged, more focused on living than survival; it’s been almost a year since he started to feel like he could breathe again. He thinks he should find it weird, that he and Ronan are together, but he doesn’t. And no one else was even surprised. It felt natural, like this was something they had both been building towards. He presses a short, chaste kiss against Ronan’s lips and leans to touch their foreheads together. He takes a deep breath and pulls away.

            “Let’s go in. They’re waiting.”

***

            Blue Sargent’s fantasy of living at Monmouth had finally come true. Though she hasn’t really been spending a lot of time in it, she’d been far away travelling the world with Henry and Gansey, and of course, she still goes back to Fox Way. They had left around four months after Gansey "died" and been reborn. This is the first time they’re back at Henrietta since they’ve left to explore the world.

            She remembers something that Adam once said, about Monmouth being a dreamer’s laboratory. Back then she didn’t know just how right he was, just that it felt like the kind of place she would belong in. Things may have changed—Gansey’s mini-Henrietta was gone, she forcibly convinced him to take the fridge out of the bathroom and a lot of the historical artefacts that used to be lying around were stored elsewhere—but Monmouth remains a home to their unique group of dreamers; it still houses all the memories of everything that happened. Ronan’s room was still there, with a cage for Chainsaw and a bigger bed for when he and Adam stayed over. Noah’s room remains undisturbed. 

            She was playing with the leaves of the mint plants when he heard Gansey’s giddy voice greet out, “Adam!” She turned around just in time to see the two exchange a fist bump while Henry and Ronan give each other manly nods—the two of them still playing at antagonistic.

            She grins and makes her way to the boys, hugging Adam and dodging Ronan’s attempts to mess up her hair.

            “Sargent, is it just me or did you get smaller?”

            “Just you, Lynch. Where’s Opal?”

            “Spending the weekend at Declan’s.”

            Gansey frowns at that, “I’m still her favourite uncle though, right?”

            “Not even close. Henry had you beat when he gave her a robot version of Chainsaw.”

            Henry wraps an arm across Gansey’s waist and kisses him on the cheek, “Don’t pout. You’re my favourite.”

            “Thank you for that. Adam still remains as mine.”

            Henry puts on a hurt face, steps closer to Blue and takes her hand in his, “I can’t believe you would betray us like this.”

            Blue laughs, “I’d be mad, but it’s a truth universally recognized. It’s not our fault we don’t look like sepia photographs, with soft eyes and eyelashes that cast shadows on our cheekbones. We’re just not ‘angel but without wings’ material.”

            Gansey groans and makes his way to the beanbags Blue had put in the middle of the room. “Did we not make a promise to forget the things I said when I was high on pain meds?”

            “No fucking way. I will always treasure the part where you held my hand and kept calling me ‘bro’. Then you almost cried when you kept asking for Blue and she was right in front of you. It was so beautiful,” said Ronan dropping on the chair on Gansey’s right while Blue takes the one on his left. Adam and Henry follow soon carrying drinks and snacks.

            “Are we talking about Gansey on pain meds? It’s okay. I think he’s pretty spectacular, too.”

            “Thank you! See, this is why I love Adam.”

            They settle down to exchange stories. To pick up the different threads of the lives they have started to lead and tie them all together.

 

***

            As much as they try to pretend everything’s okay, it’s inevitable that the conversation would eventually turn to Noah. No one had seen him since that night and they’re all wondering, torn between grief and relief that Noah’s ghost is at peace.

            “He hasn’t said goodbye,” Ronan had whispered when they realized that it had been weeks since they last saw him. “He wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye.”

            “He was fading,” mentioned Blue. “Maybe he didn’t have a choice.”

            It wasn’t a night for sadness though. So instead of wallowing in the grief, Ronan told them stories about the things they got up to. He told them about the time he and Noah drew on Adam and Gansey’s faces when they fell asleep in front of mini-Henrietta while studying for finals. Told them about the time they had set up glitter confetti to explode when Gansey opened the door of the Camaro.

            Adam mentions how Noah usually had him read books aloud because, “You know I don’t really pay attention to stuff in class. Besides, you have a good voice.”

            Blue shows off some scars on her knee that she got from tripping and scraping herself when Noah taught her how to skateboard.

            “Oh, god, Ronan! Remember when you threw Noah off the window?” asks Gansey through laughs, wiping tears from his eyes.

            “I know! He was so pissed. He wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the day and kept glaring at me when I tried.”

            Henry shoots Ronan a slightly judging look.

            “C’mon, Cheng, it wasn’t like that! It wouldn’t have even hurt him. He was already dead.”

            He was already dead.

            The statement seemed to echo, leaving them silent and pained under the heavy weight of those words. Henry wonders if they’d finally admit that they all still wonder about Noah. He’s never met him, but even he can feel an empty space where Noah should have been. The group doesn’t really like talking about him unless they’re all together like this, like maybe when they’re together, the grief doesn’t feel as crushing. They rarely mention the role Noah played in saving Gansey’s life and bringing all of them together. How they all wonder where he is now and whether he will come back. How much they missed him. How heartbroken they are that they never got to say goodbye.

            Blue smiles a soft, rueful smile and breaks the silence, “He was my first kiss you know,” her smile grows into a grin and adds, “Right there on Gansey’s bed.”

            The tension is broken as they all laugh. Gansey, Ronan and Adam had tears in their eyes which…

            “What? It wasn’t that funny. It was super nice, actually.”

            “No, Jane, no. It’s not that, it’s just… well, he was my first kiss too.”

            “Oh, god. Same.”

            “Wait, Lynch. I thought I was your first.”

            “He was a ghost, it didn’t completely count.”

            “Yes it did, he was mine too.”

            “Whoa, when was this? How did I not know this?”

            “Before Cabeswater? I don’t know, you were at a street race or something.”

            “Huh. Well, Noah was a very thorough teacher.”

            Henry asks, “Is no one else surprised about Ronan and Noah?”

            Gansey snorts, “Not really. They were always holed up and giggling at Ronan’s room so I kinda figured.”

            “Hey, so does this mean I’m the only one who doesn’t get a kiss?”

            Ronan pitches his voice low, “Well, if you really want a kiss…”

            “Uhh, I think he was asking for a kiss from me, actually.”

            They sit there, frozen in place. Staring in front of Noah’s bedroom door where Noah suddenly materialized. And it is him. Noah Czerny, drowsy eyed with messy hair but without the gray smudge that indicated his head wound. Noah smiles shyly at Henry, “Do you want me to kiss you know?”

            Ronan is the first off his feet, punching Noah in the arm and then crushing him in a hug.

            “You miserable bastard!” he screams at Noah’s neck. “Don’t you fucking dare disappear like that again.”

            Noah pulls away and glares at Ronan, “Did you really have to punch me?”

            “Do you want me to punch you again?”

            “I missed you, too.” He tugs at Ronan and leads him back down to sit on the floor next to Blue. He reaches out to pet Blue’s hair and look around. “I missed you, guys.”

            That seems to snap the others out of their daze, all of them rushing around to hug Noah with a force that sends all of them sprawled to the floor. They’re lying there, petting Noah wherever they can reach until Noah sits back again and asks, “Anyone wanna introduce me to the new guy?”

            “Oh right,” says Gansey. “Noah, this is Henry. Henry, Noah.”

            Noah smiles at Henry, “I’ve seen you at Nino’s before. You don’t like pineapples on your pizza, I like you.”

            “Good. You have better taste than Ronan then.”

            “That’s not much; Ronan’s taste buds are an abomination.”

            “Wow, not even five minutes and you two already gang up on me.”

            Noah smirks, “I missed you most.”

***

            “Where did you go?”

            Noah wrinkles his nose and answers, “Can’t say.”

            Gansey being Gansey asks the question they’re most desperate to know, “Are you going to stay.”

            Noah ducks his head and stays silent. Adam knows what this means so he answers for him, “He’s not.”

            Noah looks at all of them and he looks okay. He looks more solid than they ever saw before. He looks like what they imagine Noah really looked like alive. “Ronan was right,” he said in a low voice. “I wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye. It just took me longer to come back.”

            Blue edges closer to Noah. “Is this the part where you say goodbye?”

            Noah just nods.

            Ronan stalks back into his room, slamming the door leaving the others to stare at his retreating back. Gansey makes a move as if to follow, but Adam puts a hand on his shoulder and shakes his head at him. Ronan is barely gone a minute and when he comes out, he is holding something in his hand. He stops right in front of Noah and drops the object in his lap. “It’s a glitter globe.”

            Noah stares at it in awe. “Pretty.”

            “Yeah, well it’s more than just pretty. It can store a memory inside. If you shake it, the memory plays.”

            Noah gives it a shake and frowns in confusion when nothing plays.

            “Hasn’t got anything in it yet. You’re the only one who can give it one. Just think of the scene you want.”

            “Is this because I don’t show up in pictures?”

            “No, it’s so I can show Opal who her favourite would have been.”

            Gansey and Henry lets out some offended “Hey!”s at that but Noah just sticks his tongue out at them.

            “Go on then, Ghost Boy. Give it a try.”

            Noah holds the globe in his hand and closes his eyes, the rest of the group leans closer as the globe starts to glow. When he opens his eyes, the glow dims and a scene plays inside.

            It’s a memory of that summer, the five of them lounging on Cabeswater. Gansey with his head on Adam’s lap—who is reading a book—gesticulating widely while talking to Blue. Noah and Ronan are near them, lighting up sparklers and chasing each other with it.

            Noah’s grin turns bright and throws his arms around Ronan. “You’re the fucking best!” Ronan’s arms wind their way around Noah’s waist.

            “Yeah? You better not forget that.”

            “I won’t. Your head was always a dangerous place but it was always magical, too. You’re an adventure, Ronan Lynch.”

            “And you are better than dreams, Noah Czerny.”

            When they break their hug, Ronan’s eyes are significantly mistier, he sags against Adam, who rubs his back in comfort.

            Noah turns to Blue next and touches her hair. He leans forward to touch his forehead to hers, “Thank you for bringing me back during the times when I couldn’t.”

            “Thank you for coming back.”

            “Thank you for thinking I was enough.”

            “Thank you for letting me see you.”

            “Thank you for showing me how to grow flowers.”

            “Thank you for teaching me how to skateboard.”

            “Thank you for letting me pet your hair.”

            “Thank you for being the least dramatic raven boy.”

            Noah smiles a soft, wondrous smile and presses a kiss to her forehead.

            He feels a soft tap on his back and he turns around to see Adam looking at him. Adam just nudges his hand using a fist and smiles. “Come on, stand up, let’s see if you can still remember this.”

            Ronan and Gansey lets out a groan and Blue asks, “What’s he talking about?”

            Ronan snorts, “Noah and Adam’s ridiculously nerdy handshake.”

            “It’s not nerdy, you’re just jealous. It’s not our fault you can’t follow the steps. Let’s go, Noah.”

            With that the two them stand up, facing each other. What follows next is a series of complex claps, fist bumps, elbow taps and snaps. Noah and Adam’s grins getting goofier when neither of them mess up, both of them laughing when they’re done.

            “I still love your voice.”

            “I’ll always love your smile.”

            “Guess it’s my turn then,” says a voice.

            “Gansey.”

            Gansey takes Noah’s hand in his and looks him in the eye.

            “Noah, I will never forget that you’re the reason I am alive. Both times. You gave me my life and you gave me this group. And I can’t thank you enough for it. Gratitude is not enough for what I have because of you. You are my friend. And,” his voice breaks. “And if you’re really going to be gone after this, it will break our hearts. But it’s okay. We’ll be okay. Cause you gave us each other.”

            “Come on, man. You’re gonna make us all tear up.”

            Gansey laughs a watery laugh. “No. No, come on. Let me finish. You once told us that you were more when you were alive. But who you were doesn’t matter. Because you are and have always been enough for us.”

            Noah doesn’t say anything just hugs Gansey tight, tucking his head under Gansey’s chin. Gansey hugs him tighter, he lowers his voice so only Noah will hear and tells him, “Thank you for this life, I won’t waste it.”

            They let go of each other, Noah wiping at his eyes.

            “Man, trust Gansey to hit the switch on the waterworks.”

            “Please, Ro, like you weren’t waiting for a reason to let your tears loose.”

            “You’re a filthy liar, Richard.”

            “Okay,” Noah says. He looks around the group, eyes lingering like maybe he can take this moment with him. “I’m really going to go now. All of you made me feel more than I ever was when I was alive. It was a bit sad, even hard at times, especially when you couldn’t see me, but it was okay. It was worth it, because I got to be part of this. I will love you guys always.”

            Noah closes his eyes and they watch as Noah begins to fade. Only a couple of seconds have passed when he opens his eyes again and says, “I almost forgot.”

            And before they could ask what he forgot, Noah has crossed the room, standing right in front of Henry and cupping his face with his hands and kissing him soundly on the lips.

            “Take care of them for me. Goodbye.”

           

           


End file.
